i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
