Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
