My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
