Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
