I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
