dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
