its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Randomize
