You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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