Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
