In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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