oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
