Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
