I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
