Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
