yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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