We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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