Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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