I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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