Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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