ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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