He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
