My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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