Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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