Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
