there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
