I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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