No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
