I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
