I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
