his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
