I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
