I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize
