If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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