i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
