I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
