hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My bed smells like the plague
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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