there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
