That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
