If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
