This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Randomize
