my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
