We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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