I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
