at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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