i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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