it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
high people should be assigned attendants
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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