I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
it glows. i had to have it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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