Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
