Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
