Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
