at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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