i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
